Deborahdatesme

I love my friends, and I don’t feel cringe by telling them so. I feel as if society has made us feel uncomfortable with showing how much we love our friends because we have told ourselves that profound affection should only be reserved for our partners. Therefore, we feel the need to reduce the amount of times we say it or decrease the intensity of our affection and actions. Friendships are important, and essential for our wellbeing. Yet we always seem to place it below romantic love. Friendships can be just as deep — and even deeper than romantic connections. If you feel the urge to tell your friends you love them, don’t hold back. Everyone wants to be loved. “I love you” is one of the deepest words you can say to someone, so when you feel that urge, know that is your nervous system healing. When we tell someone we love them, that is our body’s way of telling us that we feel safe around this person, and there is nothing more beautiful than allowing your nervous system to heal. I think if we removed the self-judgement we have in our minds regarding love, we would be more affectionate to our friends. After all, when it feels like the end of the world, our true friends are the ones that come to save us.

I’m a very affectionate person, both through words and actions. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I do value these gestures from friends, too — whilst respecting each other’s boundaries, of course. Though, I always ask for permission for hugs first as some people aren’t too fond of hugs. So, yes, go display your public affection for your friends. And feeling shame for being an affectionate friend is why platonic love is seen as less important than romantic love in society. There are so many opinions that society throws in our faces, but we have the power to challenge those beliefs. Staying within the herd stops us from listening to our own core principles, and ultimately diminishes our self-worth.

I love to support my friends online, too. I am a chronic story liker. If I love the song choice, I will heart the story. If you look good, I will like the story. If I like the environment you’re in, I will tap like on my screen. I very often go through my Instagram highlights to remind myself of the best memories I’ve had with friends. There’s something so therapeutic about doing this. I also love seeing how talented and ambitious my friends are. I love following their other pages and supporting their work. I love reposting and sharing their work on my story. And honestly, these are not even flexes; they’re the bare minimum. If you don’t show up for your friends online, then you’re not really friends. You’re just two people that follow each other. Yes, social media is not the real world, nor does it determine how strong your relationships are, but why would you not support your friend online, too?

Once I start to get closer to my friends, they will know it. For my best friends, I always go above and beyond when it comes to affection. This will consist of me randomly calling you to check-in, or me tagging you in numerous reels on Instagram. You essentially become one of my main priorities, though I will always put myself and wellbeing first, of course. There’s something really beautiful about falling in love with friends in a platonic way. You don’t want to date them or have sex with them, but you have so much profound love for them, that you find that you’re truly comfortable when they’re around. And sometimes in the middle of the day when you’re by yourself, you will find yourself randomly thinking about them. But it’s not a crush or a form of attraction; it’s your brain reminding you that you are safe. It’s your nervous system slowly repairing those painful wounds and past trauma. Therefore, I will never stop telling my best friends how much they mean to me because their very existence helps with my healing journey.

My friends are the reason why I can enjoy my own company. They’ve saved me without even trying. My friends remind me that life can be beautiful, despite the chaos in the world. I think we often take that for granted, too. Loneliness is so common in this world. Sometimes we can have friends and still feel lonely. I am very privileged that I have certain people that I can rely on. And that's why I tell people that being alone is not the same as being lonely. The reason why I can go on solo dates, solo hikes and travel alone is because having such good friends in my life stops me from feeling lonely. You will never be fully healed, however — that’s a myth. We will always be healing. And I still struggle with my relationship with myself. I still sometimes get anxious or worried when doing something alone, too. And that's okay — I am human. This is normal. My healing journey allows me to learn something new about myself everyday. It allows me to continue developing a relationship with myself, as well as managing my relationships with my friends. However, in order to manage our relationships, we should be healed enough. Friendships are about balance. That’s why I’m a strong advocate for putting your mental health first. Our friends can help us with our mental health, but they’re not our therapists. That’s why I’m grateful to have healthy relationships in my life because I can continue to strengthen the relationship I have with myself. Thus, I will never get tired of telling my friends that I love them.